I haven't blogged in awhile. Is it because I have lacked discipline in my regiment? Oh probably! :)
I'm here now, that's all that matters.
I have been struggling to get a routine going with my Crossfit. I was Paleo for almost 2 full weeks then I cracked under the pressure when my husband came home from work and kissed me and I could smell chocolate! How dare he eat chocolate without bringing me some ;) that smell of chocolate sent me on a 3 day "eat what you want and suffer' binge :) I am a food addict..I can no longer dress it up in a strapless dress and parade it around for something it is not. Oh I loathe being a food addict.
I just finished reading a wonderful blog about body image and crossfit. The writer is 30 years old and talking about growing old and body changes ..as I approach my 46th birthday ..oyve!!! talk about mental gymnastics to maintain some semblance of sanity during the aging process!
I didn't want to write about the aging process though..not yet..I'm still processing it ;)
I wanted to write about being a food addict..accepting it
It no longer is about weight ..it's about the emotional roller coaster food sends me on. As I approach menopause and the changing hormones and being more in touch with my body due to crossfit --the difference food makes to my emotional well being is unavoidable..I can't ignore it anymore. It's night and day..it's the difference between my husband working in the garage or locking himself up in his much desired panic room during that time of the month ;)
When I eat clean (Paleo) there is a small speed bump in the road during my Moon time--when I consume processed food and white death ..oh white death ...well, it's a 6.9 on the Richter scale--trust me not pretty.
So, why then do I do it? why does an alcoholic swear he won't drink today but then by 5 pm he's had his third drink with no end in sight--because I am an addict.
Just for today I will eat clean..if I live like that..the days will add up and I can jump over the bump instead finding myself alone at the end of the day after alienating everyone :)
Just for today
