So far...

I know I haven't written in awhile..I suppose it is because I have been so bloody emotional and being a good Scots woman..we loath showing emotions. Never underestimate your heritage is what I say!
It all started on a 2nd baseline workout for the 30 day challenge-'-it was Crossfit total. Shoulder Press, Back squat and deadlift--max effort!
During my shoulder press I had hit my wall..55 lbs and I couldn't get it up--all of a sudden I hear cheering and rooting..I realize it is the people in the gym all cheering for me to push that weight up--it felt like forever but I did it! tears filled my eyes and I was completely overwhelmed..I looked at my husband and he had tears in his eyes--(you think Scots are stoic..ha! German's take the cake) I was so emotional --I have never had that kind of experience in my life. My trainer came up to me and said "That was sheer willpower !"

On about day 5 of this challenge I woke up very emotional and it hasn't really left. I have used food my whole life to change how I feel. Food has been the one constant for me. I just didn't realize that Crossfit would heal me at such a deep level.
I read a book that changed my life about 12 years ago ..The Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss--she talked about how we carry our biography in our bodies--I made many changes in my life after reading that book. I became a Reiki Master--I worked with healing energy. I have engaged in therapy ..workshops..seminars..and yes, they were very healing!
But..crossfit has reached in deeper..between the Paleo diet and 5 workouts it feels like the past is being pushed up through my tissue, muscles,,sinew ..purging from deep within...pain leaving my body for the first time in my life.
I focused on healing my mind, my spirit..my emotional life and have neglected my physical body..cut myself off from it as any good child of abuse would..now..I feel so free--it's very difficult to articulate. The healing I am feeling is so profound.
I am on day 8 of the challenge and I'm looking forward to releasing my past through my body. Trust me, this is not a cowards way to do it..I dig deep on a daily basis to continue. I want a different life..I want a healed life! I want to experience physical health and fitness for the first time in my 45 years.

I'm ready...bring it on!

Here I come!!!!

Made a HUGE decision two days ago..a life altering decision!
I volunteered to be in a 30 day study with my gym..this is what it looks like:
What's Required

• 100% Compliance with the Whole 30 Program, exactly as outlined starting Monday, November 8th, 2010
• Keeping a Journal for the duration of the study to log all workouts and meals
• Completion of the Baseline WODs on Thursday, November 4th and Saturday, November 6th, 2010 (alternate dates can be arranged)
• Attendance at all Monday, Wednesday & Friday Strength WODs
• Completion of 2 additional WODs per week: Tuesday & Thursday
• Missed WODs may be completed during any Open Gym time

I did not make this decision lightly. I knew it would require all my commitment. I could get a week of clean eating in but never more than that. So, after giggling and wanting to puke--Karl and I kicked up our membership to full..we were in the Foundations class--now we are in the big kids class ;)
I was so nervous going for my baseline WOD last night. I still scale just about everything ;)
Then when we arrived at the gym..it was the dreaded Chelsea ..oyve! 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups and 15 air squats every minute on the minute then onwards for ..get this....for 30 freakin' minutes!
OMG!!!!!
Well, I choose jumping pull ups on a 28 in box and my push-ups were knee with bands

Bonnie's Chelsea Result - beyond the whiteboard

www.beyondthewhiteboard.com

16.844 rounds | Not Rx'd on 2010-11-04

 

Not too bad eh? ;) I was pretty proud of myself ..in case you are wondering..that is 248 squats! wow

 

So, I'm all in --30 days!

I'm very excited :)

stay tuned....

Another tear shed...

Another tear shed in the name of Crossfit

before I tell you why I cried--last Friday I did it again--I ran 1 k without stopping!! Yeah ha! it wasn't just a fluck!
I just keep feeling stronger and stronger!
My food hasn't been very Paleo though--I have been struggling with the 'comfort foods'
I think the combination of Luigi's death and not losing 'lbs' on the scale sent me into a wee bit of a tailspin. I had a very deep and healing conversation with Karl about it and at the end --with a huge exhale he said "welcome back baby" and that is how I feel--I'm back! The dark cloud that was over me seems to have lifted! I'm sooo grateful!

Now, back to the tears-
This time it's different..I didn't cry during or after a workout--I cried before a workout!
Why?

I will tell you why--I found out right at bedtime on Sunday night that my trainer was leaving the gym I attend to focus on another gym--oh! it gets worse..I found out on facebook! he broke up with me on facebook!
I really struggled with my emotions! John has been so influential to me--such a strong supporter and fantastic coach! I will miss him so very much!
K and I talked about moving to gym that is closer to us and changing our workout times to the morning-6 AM so we can have our evenings back. Ski season is coming soon and I want to make sure I have some evenings available for skiing.

We will wait a couple of weeks to make a final decision.

Last night I deadlifted 95lbs -woohoo! I feel so strong today! I can't believe how much my body is changing
It's incredible!

1st Milestone Achieved!!

On the heals of my scale disappointment..I pushed myself to go to Crossfit last night and are you ready for this..

are you sitting down?.....
ready to cheer?..

I ran my 1 k without having to stop!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my God! and shaved off 11 seconds..7 min 47 sec
I dreamed my whole life of running..I did it!!
When I started CF 2 months ago I could run 50 m without stopping and having to walk about 100-200 m before I could run again.
I am so stoked about running my 1 k without stopping.

I had warmed up and John told Karl to time me doing a K and told him to not let me stop..I laughed at him thinking he was high ;)
I decided to pace myself and focus on my breathing ..made it 400 m..the most I had ever been able to go without stopping and kept going..another 400...wow..then ...I made it back to the gym!
I howled so loud

I'm still high today from it!
Who cares what the scale says....I ran 1 k without stopping!
My other goals:
non assisted push up
a pull up assisted ..then a pull up

I LOVE Crossfit!!!

When disappointment rides in..

I jump on and go for the ride!!!
I finally did it...I had my husband dig out the scale! Convinced I must be down atleast 15 lbs! (I'm so delusional at times) I wanted to weigh myself.
So, off came the house coat in the kitchen ..I could hear drums in my head..on I climbed.....more drum rolling...
and....

nothing..no weight change at all!
How is that even possible????
Down 2 sizes..feeling stronger...no weight change..
you guessed it...
I cried

Well, Karl talked me down and my trainer told me muscle is 22% heavier

The disappointment kept sweeping over me throughout the day..
Then, last night I ate brown rice pasta (albeit a small serving) and 2 slices of brown bread :(
It wasn't so much what I ate but why I ate it. I ate because of emotions..not hunger.
Obviously I still have work to do ..it's a day at a time around food for me.

I'm not beating myself up today--it's a new day
A new Crossfit day

Tonight is workout night
The Crossfit Gods and Goddesses have my back!

Look Ma! I'm on top of the world!

I realize it has been a few weeks since I blogged. I have been attending Crossfit 3x per week and recently switched my diet to Paleo (with occasional Dairy--ok..cheese--Gawddd cheese is so hard to give up)
John said I would notice a difference in ability if I were to eat paleo--not sure if I have yet.
I know that eating meat has been a wee bit difficult for me after being a vegetarian for 8 months (for ethical reasons) I'm still not eating chicken. I want to lose 70 lbs in total --not sure how much I have lost since the scale is still hidden :) I'm running out of clothes though..:)

I watched a video this morning:
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSqXM0W8tRk&feature=player_embedded

It motivated me so much! I wonder if I will ever do a WOD (work out of the Day) without it being scaled.
I bump into that thinking all the time--it is truly disastrous for me to think that way. This past Sunday I hiked the Dorset WaterTower trail (very steep incline) halfway up as I was panting I hit that old familiar wall--it sounds something like this:
"What the F*** are you thinking..you are fat and 45 ..why do you embarrass yourself like this?" it goes on if I don't stop it..I usually cry around that point.
I wonder what that is about..I have been reflecting and have not figured it out 'yet' I know the sense of accomplishment I feel afterwards it beyond yummy--:)
When I hit the top of the hill I looked at how steep the stairs to the top of the water tower were and how many there were..yowsaaaa!!
I have a horrid fear of heights. We were about to hike down the trail when I decided to do what I was afraid of and headed towards those stairs --I did it! all the way to the top!
I was shaking and exhilarated all at the same time. I wasn't out of breath :) (Thank you Crossfit)
When John told me that Crossfit will strengthen my mind I didn't understand at first..I am beginning to--
Failure is NOT an option--Never Give Up!

Here's to not failing and doing what you are afraid of!

Still crying

Last week my trainer ran with me and I shaved off 57 seconds on my 1 k warm-up! Let me put this in perspective..I began Crossfit on Aug. 9 2010 and I couldn't run 50 meters without stopping and walking for awhile. Last Friday I ran 400 m before I stopped.
The progress I have been experiencing has had me re-evaluating my diet. I have spent time talking with a dear friend about my 'inability' to eat meat --how I would focus on the death of the animal. I would hear John's voice in my head "You won't get the best results if you are not following a Paleo Diet" After some soul searching and landing in place a reverence for the animal who gives his life for us to eat (a very Native viewpoint) I have introduced meat back into my diet.
I was having horrible acid reflux during workouts (if I wasn't about to puke--I was burning up) John told me it was because of Grains and dairy. So, I have stopped eating grains altogether and have not had any heartburn..oh John ..he is always right..so far..but I will never let him know where my blog is so his head won't get too huge!
Last night's workout was a killer
Warm-up -- 1 k run  5 min of mobility
WOD:
AMRAP in 12 min of;

• 5 Overhead Squat
• 5 Sumo Deadlift High Pull
• 50 skips
• I completed 4 sets + 25 skips (almost 5)

Then...you guessed it..
I cried ....
.but in my car this time so that is progress :)

Why do I cry? I'm not sure ..Karl thinks I'm too hard on myself ..I remind him that my thinking is what helped me pull myself out of where I grew up and be the first person in my family to get a University degree :)

I just keep trying.
Oh! Karl hid the scale ..I kept weighing myself and feeling discouraged. There is a difference in my clothes, no doubt, but scale wasn't dropping significantly.
I have abandoned the scale ;) that's huge for me. I have decided to weigh myself 1 time per month.

One last thing..I hurt more today than I can remember--my knees are killing ..such a sweet pain :)

Gracias

Tabata Hell

What does a trainer think when someone cries during a Tabata workout???
Well, who would cry during a Tabata workout? Moi!
Why do you ask?
Well, because I wanted to complete it but fatique took over and I'm not a quitter.
What is a Tabata? Glad you asked!
"The Tabata protocol is a high-intensity training regimen that produces remarkable results. A Tabata workout (also called a Tabata sequence) is an interval training cycle of 20 seconds of maximum intensity exercise, followed by 10 seconds of rest, repeated without pause 8 times for a total of four minutes. In a group context, you can keep score by counting how many lifts/jumps/whatever you do in each of the 20 second rounds. The round with the smallest number is your score."

So, last night --after what felt like an excruitiating warm-up (I was exhausted after the warm-up)
We did a Tabata
Deadlifts with 14lb medicine ball smallest number 9
Pushups--smallest number 8
squats--smallest number 8
kettleball swing...cried!

I completed 1 set of kettleball swings ..missed the next set and went back to try again and completed 3 swings before John told me I was going to hurt myself.
Crossfit is so humbling.
I explained to my husband that I am use to excelling in all areas of my life except physically. I have achieved so many things professionally, scholastically, emotionally ...etc.
I have neglected my physical side in favour of achievement in other realms..not anymore!
I know I have a "long road" ahead of me as John my trainer stated ..which by the way --was horrible to swallow. I want to wake up tomorrow and be a crossfit postergirl ;)
Maybe someday I will.
We just completed week 3 of crossfit and it takes 21 days to break a habit and create a habit...
I LOVE Crossfit ..I'm not giving up ..it would be like giving up on me and I refuse to do that.

here's to not giving up even when you are crying!

Buckle-up!

I decided to start blogging about my crossfit journey. I began to seriously change my life in January when I quit smoking and in February I became a vegetarian. Needless to say, my life has changed significantly!
I joined a crossfit gym with my husband 3 weeks ago. He has been very active all of his life and had been researching crossfit for months.
I am coming off of two years of illness where I was basically sedetary and on pain medication. I dropped 35 lbs on my own but hit a wall and knew I had to become focused on my health to get to where I wanted to go.
So, I'm 45 and 65 lbs overweight with asthma but a scottish determination that will not let me give up.
I also have a wonderful Trainer John at the Crossfit gym I go to and a wonderfully supportive husband.

I sent John an email last night to thank him for encouraging me during my workout. Usually I am close to puking during my workout but last night I just wanted to cry. The rest of the class finished before me and I was having difficulting breathing and was hurting--so close to tears and I heard John say.."Don't give up--you can do this!"
I did!
He emailed me back and I wanted to add it to my first blog:
Bonnie,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this email! I know your
journey will be long, and it won't be easy, but I wont give up as long as you don't either!!

I love knowing that I/we make such differences in peoples lives. We have a couple stories just like yours in our little family and I take great pride in each one :)

Set your sights high and never give up, you will always have people
around to support you in reaching your goals, especially me :)
John

So, here I set sail for my "Long and not easy" journey......