Another tear shed...

Another tear shed in the name of Crossfit

before I tell you why I cried--last Friday I did it again--I ran 1 k without stopping!! Yeah ha! it wasn't just a fluck!
I just keep feeling stronger and stronger!
My food hasn't been very Paleo though--I have been struggling with the 'comfort foods'
I think the combination of Luigi's death and not losing 'lbs' on the scale sent me into a wee bit of a tailspin. I had a very deep and healing conversation with Karl about it and at the end --with a huge exhale he said "welcome back baby" and that is how I feel--I'm back! The dark cloud that was over me seems to have lifted! I'm sooo grateful!

Now, back to the tears-
This time it's different..I didn't cry during or after a workout--I cried before a workout!
Why?

I will tell you why--I found out right at bedtime on Sunday night that my trainer was leaving the gym I attend to focus on another gym--oh! it gets worse..I found out on facebook! he broke up with me on facebook!
I really struggled with my emotions! John has been so influential to me--such a strong supporter and fantastic coach! I will miss him so very much!
K and I talked about moving to gym that is closer to us and changing our workout times to the morning-6 AM so we can have our evenings back. Ski season is coming soon and I want to make sure I have some evenings available for skiing.

We will wait a couple of weeks to make a final decision.

Last night I deadlifted 95lbs -woohoo! I feel so strong today! I can't believe how much my body is changing
It's incredible!

1st Milestone Achieved!!

On the heals of my scale disappointment..I pushed myself to go to Crossfit last night and are you ready for this..

are you sitting down?.....
ready to cheer?..

I ran my 1 k without having to stop!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my God! and shaved off 11 seconds..7 min 47 sec
I dreamed my whole life of running..I did it!!
When I started CF 2 months ago I could run 50 m without stopping and having to walk about 100-200 m before I could run again.
I am so stoked about running my 1 k without stopping.

I had warmed up and John told Karl to time me doing a K and told him to not let me stop..I laughed at him thinking he was high ;)
I decided to pace myself and focus on my breathing ..made it 400 m..the most I had ever been able to go without stopping and kept going..another 400...wow..then ...I made it back to the gym!
I howled so loud

I'm still high today from it!
Who cares what the scale says....I ran 1 k without stopping!
My other goals:
non assisted push up
a pull up assisted ..then a pull up

I LOVE Crossfit!!!

When disappointment rides in..

I jump on and go for the ride!!!
I finally did it...I had my husband dig out the scale! Convinced I must be down atleast 15 lbs! (I'm so delusional at times) I wanted to weigh myself.
So, off came the house coat in the kitchen ..I could hear drums in my head..on I climbed.....more drum rolling...
and....

nothing..no weight change at all!
How is that even possible????
Down 2 sizes..feeling stronger...no weight change..
you guessed it...
I cried

Well, Karl talked me down and my trainer told me muscle is 22% heavier

The disappointment kept sweeping over me throughout the day..
Then, last night I ate brown rice pasta (albeit a small serving) and 2 slices of brown bread :(
It wasn't so much what I ate but why I ate it. I ate because of emotions..not hunger.
Obviously I still have work to do ..it's a day at a time around food for me.

I'm not beating myself up today--it's a new day
A new Crossfit day

Tonight is workout night
The Crossfit Gods and Goddesses have my back!

Look Ma! I'm on top of the world!

I realize it has been a few weeks since I blogged. I have been attending Crossfit 3x per week and recently switched my diet to Paleo (with occasional Dairy--ok..cheese--Gawddd cheese is so hard to give up)
John said I would notice a difference in ability if I were to eat paleo--not sure if I have yet.
I know that eating meat has been a wee bit difficult for me after being a vegetarian for 8 months (for ethical reasons) I'm still not eating chicken. I want to lose 70 lbs in total --not sure how much I have lost since the scale is still hidden :) I'm running out of clothes though..:)

I watched a video this morning:
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSqXM0W8tRk&feature=player_embedded

It motivated me so much! I wonder if I will ever do a WOD (work out of the Day) without it being scaled.
I bump into that thinking all the time--it is truly disastrous for me to think that way. This past Sunday I hiked the Dorset WaterTower trail (very steep incline) halfway up as I was panting I hit that old familiar wall--it sounds something like this:
"What the F*** are you thinking..you are fat and 45 ..why do you embarrass yourself like this?" it goes on if I don't stop it..I usually cry around that point.
I wonder what that is about..I have been reflecting and have not figured it out 'yet' I know the sense of accomplishment I feel afterwards it beyond yummy--:)
When I hit the top of the hill I looked at how steep the stairs to the top of the water tower were and how many there were..yowsaaaa!!
I have a horrid fear of heights. We were about to hike down the trail when I decided to do what I was afraid of and headed towards those stairs --I did it! all the way to the top!
I was shaking and exhilarated all at the same time. I wasn't out of breath :) (Thank you Crossfit)
When John told me that Crossfit will strengthen my mind I didn't understand at first..I am beginning to--
Failure is NOT an option--Never Give Up!

Here's to not failing and doing what you are afraid of!